Surrender to the Shadows

after Dare I love my shadows by Shayna

photo by Andreea Ch

Panting

Clomp

Clomp

Heavy footsteps hit the forest floor

Rudely announcing the presence of an intruder

Secrecy is not my goal

I want the owner of this treacherous place to know I am here

And I need out

Tall giants surround me with thick bark and intimidating branches

Heavy breathing

Mind racing

Heartbeat thumping

Just when I see an opening

I fall

As my body makes contact with the surprisingly soft mossy floor

I hear the words of Rumi

Ever so faintly in the breeze

“The wound is the place where the light enters you”

Surrender

Long limbs wrap around my legs and impede me from moving forward

Tree-like fingertips slither their way slowly through my body

While their roots thrash towards the earth’s core

Mobility is no longer an option

I must encounter this creature who has become one with my soul

Darkness begins to move within

Filling vacancies I want to forget existed

I know this hurt

I know this pain

Face it

I close my eyes and allow this new being to takeover

But it was not new

It revealed the abandoned infant

The sad girl

The voiceless child who wanted to scream and say

Let me go

The darkest remnants of my soul

Now tap dance before me

Delicately

Like ballerinas on studio floors

Memories I hide from daylight’s view

Here they are

Making their presence known

Asking for recognition

Demanding to be heard

Dying to be healed

All my life

I ran from these shadows

Unaware of their intentions

Not understanding their craving for my body

The need to be connected

To become one with their owner

Stay awhile

I am here

Present

With my light

And my darkness

Intertwined

Tight

Like cornrows that hid rice for the long journey to the promised land

I know what it feels like to risk my life for freedom

Captive in my own skin

Tirelessly running from faces and places that still haunt my dreams

But now, my shadows deserve a safe place

Within

Where they can learn to sleep safely and learn about love

The journey home has come to an end

Acceptance

Beyond the horizons

Just through the murky trees

I see her

The mixture of light and darkness gives her silhouette an angelic appearance

As if she descended directly from one of His chariots

No hesitation in her steps

No limp in her walk

No bend in her spine

Head high

She walks toward me

Eyes revealing a young girl floating in a sea of possibilities

Running wildly through green meadows

Flirting with butterflies that flutter beautiful wings

Unity

Hand in hand

We walk out of the forest

All of the pieces are intact deep down

Readying to sail authentically through life

Whole

And

Complete