The Waves That Guided Me to Your Refuge

Photo by Pok Rie

Disclaimer: I wrote this prose piece for anyone to read and it’s open to interpretation.

You guided me when I had no direction. You awakened what was once dead in me to arise out of the uncertain, wayward path I was undertaking. My broken heart was aching and sick, bruised and sore.  This ailing heart had endured enough of the abuse and rust hardening it to its core. It was hurting and I was the cause of this agony. I was drowning in a sea of pain and regret. I couldn’t distinguish where my tears ended from where the murky waters started. I struggled to grasp for air, wondering, “Could this be my final breath?” The salt water started to fill me as I fought for air to reach my lungs.  I struggled to get myself to the shore, to safety.    

I needed a Protector, a Trustee, a Responder to answer my cries for help.  The overpowering waves threw me further into the abyss. I was sinking into the depths of no return. The darkness of the treacherous water was engulfing every ounce of lightness surrounding the boundless, haunting seabed I was falling towards. I was blinded and couldn’t even see my own hands. I needed someone to take me out of this self-inflicted pain. I had nowhere to turn. I turned my face upward. Time was of the essence; it was coming to an end.  Oh, I needed You, only You. No one could rescue me, not even myself.  

It was happening, my darkest hour was closing in on me, but Your remembrance was buried deep in me all along. I found the sacred treasure in the darkness. The fall into the deep ocean of guilt and despair I created led me to You. The cracks in my heart were shattered into pieces for the purity of Your Prime Light to enter. I found You through the worst in me. You’ve always known me better than I’ve known myself. My essence was crafted by You in a dimension of immeasurable time and space, every inch of me hand-selected and fashioned by the Best of all Shapers.  Every thought, utterance, and emotion in between needs no explanation; You are All-Knowing, All Aware.  

You are the Most Kind and Most Merciful, bountiful with forgiveness; Your Illuminating Light floated me back up towards the glimmer of shimmering sunrays peeking through, as the once violent, wild waves now danced and moved side to side to carry me back to the Eternal Refuge that is You. You are the Preserver of Safety, an embodiment of Peace my soul cried out for. Your All-Seeing and All-Hearing presence was surrounding everything I couldn’t see or hear due to my once downtrodden spirit and weak, faint spiritual heart. 

I turn to You in repentance for all that I have lost; You guided me back to You, Oh Source of All Goodness. Your Mercy and forgiveness envelops all who turn to You. I am but a needy, humbled servant, reaching out to You as Lord of the Worlds -- You are the only One to satisfy all needs. Your richness and generosity is never-ending. My graciousness and gratitude towards You innately forces me to tighten the grasp I have on the unseen rope leading to You, this tethered connection between us.  You are nearer to me then my jugular vein. You are nearer to me than my own soul, than my very being. 

 I am a reflection of your distinguished names and attributes that manifest through my existence, and all that You shaped and created to be in this universe. You infused faith in me and elevated me, bestowing upon me honor, Glory be to You. I supplicate to You, my Lord and say, “I seek refuge in the Light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right.” (Supplication of Prophet Muhammad, Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him at Taif).

You guided me when I had no direction.  You found me lost, but directed me towards Your All-encompassing Bounty of Love, and Forbearance. I am now found because You have always been there, all Glory and Praises be to You, Owner of Majesty and Honor.