Chapter 1. The descent
1. Monologue
I am always there. But I am a fighter and a traveler. What am I getting? Where am I getting to? I am getting confused. The thing that defined me made me with great effort. I hope this is not me. I hope. I reached there with great effort. I want to lay down, go back, and be free. I don’t know where to go back.
Just I know that I need to make a step. I went down, and went down. I felt something stuck but did not doubt. Do I need to know? The thing will show me at the end. Not knowing whether the world is going up or I am going down, yes, I believed that I went down, so I went down. Unknown world, which I never know, wish I never knew. Is it where I should go back? Is it the real me? I’ve never seen my heart. I would never see. But it’s fine. I am the evidence of my heart. If you ask my heart’s whereabouts, it will show you me crumpling, spreading, not taking my eyes from you, straightly and precisely, telling you, I am here. I was. I will. Always. Dip and taste, the flavor of my heart. I never know, no need to, but you will know.
2. Movement guide
*Recommended for you to move while you are reading. You can pause reading and focus on movement. Let your body move freely.
Close my eyes.
I feel my chest inflated and shrinked endlessly.
My chest is like a balloon with its expansion,
and becomes a heavy metal ball with its shrink.
The metal ball travels the whole direction.
To the deepest, digging
To the highest, crossing
To either side of the back and forth,
Or in one spot, spinning and spinning
feeling all the inertia and centripetal force,
feeling thickening weight of the ball.
My space.
It is my space.
Wherever I go, wherever I am,
never denying, I clearly feel and admit,
I am here.
Quiet, since I never blame.
Noisy, since I am busy remembering.
The metal ball is rolling along.
It is a song of celebration, a lullaby.
I am dancing on the lullaby.
I am getting drowsy, and getting excited.
‘I made a bed for you.’
Yes, I am invited.
I dance all night,
Sleeping,
Stomping.
