In Flesh & In Bone
Memory lives in and through me. It is my understanding that memory is not just past tense. It is active, lively, occupying space and time as a continuum. It is in force, always and in all ways. Concurrently weaving the here and now with the there and then. As I see it, memory is active remembering and active being, happening simultaneously.
Holding memory in this way extends a deeper awareness around what it means to be a living ancestor. To be alive in each moment while also progressing towards an inevitable end, a final breath. It is not that I solely carry the survival and experiences of those who have come before me, but that my own survival and experiences are being woven into the tapestry of my lineage, as I am breathing and being. The journey between my birth and death marks what will become my evocation.
Memory is created through me with every living moment I partake in. Every breath, every step, every tear, every smile is a preservation of the woman that I am. With this knowing, I hold the weight of my being with deep devotion, with reverence. Because that weight—my experiences, my survival, my wisdom—doesn’t get delayed for when I am no longer here. It is infused in the life within and around me. Meaning that through being, I am teaching / weaving / passing / guiding in live time.
This revelation lays the path before me. This knowing that I am flesh, before I am bone. This knowing that how I take shape in the flesh is actively configuring what will become of my bones. It is actively gathering and forging the imprint that will be left of me—on this Earth, in hearts, across souls.
I am intentionally leaving myself behind while still drawing breath. Thinking about life and death under the same sun. As a woman. As a wife. As a mother. As a lineage weaver. I see my living, my doing, my resolve not as an act of singularity, but as generational. Where every portion of me resounds through my bloodline, as my lineage travels through me.
To be an ancestor is expansive, an occurrence that allows me to weave my being in flesh, long before I am bone. And I am embodying this awareness of the life I live and the residue that will remain. Through actively thinking about what my lineage will glean from my existence. Through actively reflecting on what they might inherit from me. Through being a participant in and witness to my living. And I take that all into consideration as I am
being / breathing / bleeding /
forming / unfurling / heaving
dancing / crying / shouting /
cursing / hoping / praying...
none of which is in vain.
I am movement in the making, memory in practice. As I am, and as I am.
